Sunday, October 23, 2011

Scarred

I know you not anymore, not as before
The one thing I really dislike about me is the way I just keep so much anger in myself, the way I get so emotionally involved in things so easily, and the worst is how memories aren't so easily forgotten. Right now, I'm angry at how things are now between a friend of mine and me. Angry at what has become of us, and how we'll never go back to the way we were again.
I still look out the window, and look for you every night. Knowing that that day will never come again. That day where smiles and tears were so common and we knew everything about each other. 
No, that day will never repeat itself. 
I even hold on to every fragment of memory I have of you although I try so hard to forget them. I can never forget the way you made me laugh and how we cried that night.
I know I sound so extremely pathetic, but that just shows how vulnerable I am to all this mess. 
It doesn't help to have something reminding me of you wherever I go, including the weather.
Especially whenever it rains. Whenever the raindrops fall and hit the ground with such intensity that it deafens our ears and makes the world around us a blur. 
Who am I kidding. I need more time to forget about all this. More time, more determination.
Still, a part of me wonders if you feel the way I do. A nagging awkward feeling, especially when a conversation never seems to end properly, and we actually never stop talking.



Saturday, October 15, 2011

Here we are again

The time of the year has come again, the time you realise that time passed by so fast.
Not to say it's a feeling of regret, it's really just a way of saying 
" Oh my, look how time flies"
Or like the White Rabbit from The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland. We're always late.

Accepting life as it is, as a senior in CBN. Knowing that I wouldn't be watching the sun rise from the tree-tops anymore, the amazing gothic architecture, and the feeling I get whenever I step into school. Ever since Form 1. I've always wondered the century-old untold stories of CBN
Knowing that you've been a part of that legacy. Now that is an honour.

Oh well. Change is constant, and it's the moment we live in that really counts.
And if any of the band juniors are reading this : Thank You
Yes, even you Brina (although we never seen to go along) 
The juniors performed for the Form 5's for our band party. 
Gave us an amazing T-shirt
And a card with our pictures on it. 
That's the mark of an end. A journey of five years, filled with every emotion possible.
And Jane, if you're reading this in NZ, 5B misses you, and the band party felt so incomplete without you