Tuesday, December 6, 2011

As time flies

well, it was exactly a week ago I turned 17.
I don't ask for much every birthday,in fact I ask for the same every year. I only ask for happiness for the year ahead of me, happiness for everyone around me .
But this year, I wanted more. 
I felt greedy nonetheless, but I felt like I needed something to happen to me. 
Something special, well, don't judge me , but I wanted something magical to happen
All of you may think that it really is a naive wish. But I felt I really needed it.

My birthday this year was amazing. I had my closest friends with me and we had dinner together. 
And as the day ended, I felt like nothing has changed , and that was, to me, something I expected, but at the same time I was sad.

Yes. I wanted for a miracle to happen. And it did, I had my family, my friends, and the future in front of me. They're the miracles God had given me to be who I am today :)

And the fact that I'm single, will remain that way . That I am sure of. I have too much of life to care about , than bother about looking forward to be ruled by raging hormones and clouded thoughts.
I firmly believe that being in love makes you hopelessly bound. 
And I wish to run free as a wild mare in the wind.
Especially since SPM's over. And I finally get to discover who I am all over again without being governed by my parents or any other influence, after all, it is my life. Not theirs 
I guess I shall leave this post as it is. Till next time  

Sunday, October 23, 2011


I know you not anymore, not as before
The one thing I really dislike about me is the way I just keep so much anger in myself, the way I get so emotionally involved in things so easily, and the worst is how memories aren't so easily forgotten. Right now, I'm angry at how things are now between a friend of mine and me. Angry at what has become of us, and how we'll never go back to the way we were again.
I still look out the window, and look for you every night. Knowing that that day will never come again. That day where smiles and tears were so common and we knew everything about each other. 
No, that day will never repeat itself. 
I even hold on to every fragment of memory I have of you although I try so hard to forget them. I can never forget the way you made me laugh and how we cried that night.
I know I sound so extremely pathetic, but that just shows how vulnerable I am to all this mess. 
It doesn't help to have something reminding me of you wherever I go, including the weather.
Especially whenever it rains. Whenever the raindrops fall and hit the ground with such intensity that it deafens our ears and makes the world around us a blur. 
Who am I kidding. I need more time to forget about all this. More time, more determination.
Still, a part of me wonders if you feel the way I do. A nagging awkward feeling, especially when a conversation never seems to end properly, and we actually never stop talking.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Here we are again

The time of the year has come again, the time you realise that time passed by so fast.
Not to say it's a feeling of regret, it's really just a way of saying 
" Oh my, look how time flies"
Or like the White Rabbit from The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland. We're always late.

Accepting life as it is, as a senior in CBN. Knowing that I wouldn't be watching the sun rise from the tree-tops anymore, the amazing gothic architecture, and the feeling I get whenever I step into school. Ever since Form 1. I've always wondered the century-old untold stories of CBN
Knowing that you've been a part of that legacy. Now that is an honour.

Oh well. Change is constant, and it's the moment we live in that really counts.
And if any of the band juniors are reading this : Thank You
Yes, even you Brina (although we never seen to go along) 
The juniors performed for the Form 5's for our band party. 
Gave us an amazing T-shirt
And a card with our pictures on it. 
That's the mark of an end. A journey of five years, filled with every emotion possible.
And Jane, if you're reading this in NZ, 5B misses you, and the band party felt so incomplete without you 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Nyan Cat [original]

Check out more Myspace layouts at pYzam.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I feel terrible =/

I just needed to write this somewhere. This is the closest I have to writing, for I have recently lost interest in holding pens and pencils.
My band spirit died. And when something dies, I cry. I mourn
It's something not only me, but the other FormFives in band don't deserve. Honestly, I think we CBN-BAND thoroughbreds clearly know from the start of the year that what we had anticipated since we were mere juniors will never come true. sadly that is.

To L,
I know you love to voice out your thoughts, but once in a while , you should remember other people have feelings too. Talking about other people behind their backs will never change a thing.

To J,
I know you absolutely hate me. I know you even hate breathing the same air as me, or even wearing the same shirt as me. But seriously, STOP BEING SO DARNED SELFISH. It can't always be about you.
Anyway. When you're given the responsibility to lead, can you please differentiate between your emotions and your job.
People all around you try to help. And you push them all AWAY. Have fun doing things alone .

To V, 
Thank you for telling me. =) I thought you wouldn't bother replying me yesterday.
Truce :3

IguessAPRILis a  c u r s e d month.
I'm praying for your hand Rishan, Pn Gan's leg, KarMun's brain, Sonia, her relative who has cancer.
The list will go on.
Hopefully all of them will get better soon 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

If people could become buff in a mere 4 weeks

HAHAs . Band is pure awesomeness  torture moment. No its not like it was worth the torture, ... well yeah it wasn't worth it.
This is NOT really how I INTENDED my senior year to be like. I like band moments when we all get dark and get march and flop dead together, but at least the pain was worth it. Now, I really don't see the point anymore.
It feels as if my band spirit had burnt out, and for a senior to be saying that, the situation is pretty bad.
I know.
I shouldn't be saying or more like typing all this.

I love band, cause once your a band member, you'll forever be one.
I stuck to that till form four, now I aint so sure. ..
And if any form fours are reading this, which I doubt you people would ever find me.
Band builds extremely good character, so I'll put up a fight for you people for the upcoming prefect interviews.

I talked to someone yesterday, and when I asked " How are you?" , the answer was " Lonely"
I felt so bad, because that person was the closest I ever got to another human. And I couldn't be there for that person. If I had the guts, I would apologize. But no, I am a selfish coward.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Extremely pure pain

HAHA , recently found out that most of my friends think I am unable to be sad/angry.
And when I think of it again, its most probably because of Her, and things that had happened to me for the past few months.
Seems that I just can't cry any longer, I can barely force tears out of me, I even looked at the positive angle when people were B-talking me . Yep, I am that  pathetic.
You think you can talk about me that way about my flaws, in that way? Well think again, I don't give people like you the satisfaction of seeing me hurt and affected by your stupid attempts.
I am human after all, don't say you aren't . So please STOP being such a bum and look at your sad life and weep, cause mine is tons better, better cause you aren't there ruining every bit of it.


The last time I remember sobbing my eyes out was when I realised I was stupid.....
stupid enough to even have hopes and dreams about being together forever.
stupid enough to miss you.
stupid enough to even fall for you.

So very stupid, but why I sobbed was not because of all that, it was because I felt guilty, I felt so guilty that I had made someone cry over me, miss me, and get hurt along the way. It was also because I figured not all guys are as sensitive as you are, or would have cared about anyone else more than me at that moment.

How many guys do you know would stand in the rain for you, calling your name
If the certain someone I mentioned is reading this, I want to say I am truly sorry